I remember being at a point
in my life back in 1998 where I felt I’d reached a low point … in my life’s
satisfaction, in my self-confidence, in my health, in my spiritual condition …
in many areas. Though Helen and my
marriage was off to a great start and we’d just had our son, when I looked
inside myself I just reached a place where I was just displeased with
myself. Primarily as a consequence of
some health stuff that started bubbling up, and the realization that I wasn’t
living the way I should, wasn’t eating the way I should, and was reaping the
consequences.
One afternoon I was walking
around our neighborhood on my new exercise regimen, burdened with a heavy
weight of fear of what was to come from my newly-diagnosed diabetes and the
ramifications of that. I can remember
precisely where it was but I just stopped in the road and said, “God, I know I
can’t do this without you. I’ve tried
for too long. My mom always tells me
‘Let go and let God.’ I can’t muster the
courage to put a needle in myself, or to go through what might come with this
disease, but I know YOU have the courage.
If You plan for me to go through this, You’ll get me through. If I have to, I will. I trust you.”
Immediately, there was a
burden lifted from my shoulders. I’d hit
bottom in that season of life … a critical season in that it ultimately led to
me surrendering not only that situation, but eventually my entire life to
Christ.
My reading this week (through
Job 29 – 35, Psalms 66 – 72, 2 Chronicles 36, and Ezra 1 – 6) brought me to a
passage in Psalms 69 that brought back memories of that moment in time … and
the blessings ever since. David
expresses palpable dismay and pain throughout the Psalm which opens with
obvious anguish in verses 1 – 4 …
Save me, O God, for the
floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper
and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm
me. I am exhausted from crying for help;
my throat is parched. My eyes are
swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. Those who hate me without cause outnumber the
hairs on my head. Many enemies try to
destroy me with lies, demanding that I give back what I didn’t steal.
Ever been there? Seems likely many, if not most, of us
have. Or, at least felt that way even if
in retrospect the reality of the situation wasn’t as bad as we made it. I think there are many times when we feel
like the weight of literally the entire world is on our shoulders, or that
we’re under water struggling to get to the surface level but it’s unreachable. Perhaps it might be that there is no one in
our life that is pleased with us, or on our side. Maybe it feels that no matter what we try to
do, we can’t kick an illness or get healthy.
It could be that we just feel alone, ashamed or self-alienated.
I think David was there. Maybe he was in all those places. No matter, he just seemed to reach the end of
himself. He hit bottom. But there’s an important element in hitting
bottom. Like falling into a well. Once we hit the bottom, there’s nowhere we
can look or go but up. Therein lies the
opportunity. I think God sometimes lets
us hit bottom (whether self-induced or otherwise) so that we can ONLY look
up. To HIM.
I’ve been blessed over the
years to hear the stories of many folks in their journey to surrendering their
life to Jesus. Many of them came through
“normal” circumstances, but many more through someone just reaching the end of
themself. In all those cases, while they
reached the end of themselves, they didn’t reach the end of God. In fact, they may just have reached the
beginning of God, or at least the beginning of their relationship with
Him. David moves from pain to prevailing
in verses 29 – 33 …
I am suffering and in
pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving
power. Then I will praise God’s name
with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving. For this will please the Lord more than
sacrificing cattle, more than presenting a bull with its horns and hooves. The humble will see their God at work and be
glad. Let all who seek God’s help be
encouraged. For the Lord hears the cries
of the needy; he does not despise his imprisoned people.
The hope expressed in the
last verse is profound. The Lord
hears. If we just stopped there,
oftentimes that is all hurting people need to know. It gets even more encouraging … the Lord does
NOT despise his imprisoned people. That
sure isn’t how it feels when we’re at the end of ourselves, does it? It feels like quite the opposite … it most
often feels like we’re in that dark and scary place particularly because God must despise
us. NOT SO.
I think the reason sometimes
God needs us to hit bottom is that we’re usually unwilling to reach up until we
do. Either in our pride or our fear, we
demand to take care of things ourselves.
In every case I’ve ever lived through or observed, that only makes
things worse, like panicking when you’re in quicksand.
Don’t get me wrong … God will
reach down ANY time we reach up. It’s
not about His inability or unwillingness to do so. It’s about OURS. So we’d do well not to let things get to that
point, huh.
Let’s seek our Lord
prayerfully this week for any area of our lives where we might be heading to
that bottom point. Let’s ask him to not
let us get there … or if we are inevitably doing so, let’s ask Him to remind us
that when we do, maybe because we do, He’ll be there ready to pick us up.
Looking up …
MR
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