“But I wanna do
it on my own …”
Those of us who are parents
can relate to hearing these words expressed in perhaps the singularly whiniest
way a kid can utter them. But let’s be
particularly plain on this … while it’s true that the bone-permeating whine
that is usually heard in conjunction with those words is most often brought by
kids, most of us as adults live this way.
Not only do we not want help, asking for help is even more difficult for
us.
So, I’m breaking from my
normal pattern of writing about a passage encompassed by my weekly reading
(through Ecclesiastes 8 – 12, Song of Songs 1 – 2, Psalms 87 – 93, Nehemiah 11
– 13, and Esther 1 – 4) by going back into last week’s reading. In Ecclesiastes 4 comes a passage that I love
… easily one of my favorites in the whole Bible … and which is very much on
point. In verses 9 – 12 …
Two people are better off
than one, for they can help each other succeed.
If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real
trouble. Likewise, two people lying
close together can keep each other warm.
But how can one be warm alone? A
person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand
back-to-back and conquer. Three are even
better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Help makes a huge
difference. Where we might fail on the
one hand, having someone to help can ensure our success. We gain strength with the aid of another. Not just strength to bear weight that we
wouldn’t be able to bear on our own, but also strength to face the scary times
in our lives. The strength to hold on
when we want to give up. The strength to
stand up to challenges to our faith.
It’s clear, God does not
intend us to do life alone. In all my
Bible reading, I have yet to find a passage that admonishes us to gut it on our
own. There are no rewards for fighting
the good fight by ourself. In fact,
beyond just this passage, in the New Testament alone, there are 133 references
(in the New King James translation) to “one another,” which in and of itself
lets us know that we’re meant to be there for each other. Being there is one thing … knowing if you
need to be there is another. For that,
we have to speak up! We have to ask for
help when needed.
Our society seems to suggest
that we have to go it alone. The tough
ones of us are those that are self-sufficient.
Those that need no one but our own strength. Well, news flash … none of us can make it
alone. Inevitably in life we need
someone at our side. Someone to hold us
up, shut us up, build us up, or fill us up.
To me, this is somewhat of a universal concept … we all understand it at
a basic level. But what makes us refute
that reality and resist the action of simply asking for help?
Again, it comes back to our
society … the norms we live by. Media
and popular culture tell us that the real-deals out there are the haggard,
self-motivated, self-driven, self-supported ones. Note the common thread in some of those descriptors
… “self.” Not being willing to seek
help is in one sense selfish, absolutely … but ironically, I would submit that
not asking for help is self-defeating and self-destructive. So still self-oriented, but with unintended
consequences.
My take on it is that there
is strength in seeking help. It takes
much more courage, fortitude, intelligence and might in recognizing that we
need to rely on others. Jesus said, “For
those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will
be exalted.” (Luke 14:11) The lower we
place ourselves, the stronger He can be in us.
By extension, when we ask for help from others, we allow Him to work
through those people we ask for help.
Doing so is also consistent with the model of community that Jesus
instructed us to live by, as well as the practice of the early church, as
embodied in Acts.
I was talking with a young
college student this weekend who reached out because he was suffering from
anxiety resulting from the fear that he might have chosen the wrong place to
study. He has gone through some really
tough early experiences as part of the college’s football team, none of which
have been positive or God-honoring. He
just wanted to talk to someone about the situation and get some advice. He said, “man, I feel so dumb bringing this
all up.” My point to him was that what’s
dumb is suffering from regret and fear and NOT bringing it up to someone who
cares and can help somehow.
There’s no heroism in doing
things on our own. No extra credit is
given. Most times the only thing we gain
is loss. We can’t live life on our own
without help any more than we can clap only one hand, run a three-legged race
on our own, or win a tug-o-war competition by ourselves against a team of NFL
linemen. Let’s face it … life is HARD
much of the time, and despite the cutesy metaphors above, they’re not too far
off from the reality life often yields.
We need help. Ask for it.
Give it when asked. None of us
can do life on our own.
Reaching for His hand,
MR
No comments:
Post a Comment